wow, it's so dark in here.

so over a year has gone by, and let's just say that i honestly forgot i had created this little page as an outlet. it's been a bonkers year, what with new friends, new dietary changes, some family loss, a new engagement. but i'm picking up the pieces once more, hopefully this time i'll stay in touch with this little chunk of cyber space i like to call my own.

i've had a few changes lately that i'm not really comfortable with still, but i'm easing around it. this is just a food thing, so no worries: i won't be going into detail how i'm finding things on my body that have started expanding or someone in my life that i want to dearly punch in the face. recently i find that with steady consumption of soy, corn, and dairy my body starts to shut down in numerous little ways. i take more naps, have more frequent mood swings, weight fluctuations, etc - yes, i am whining just a little. but if you know me, you know i'd kill for fine cheese. and popcorn. and stirfry. damn it i miss panang curry with fried tofu. but in slight digression i have found with some paleo-esque steps i'm getting a better handle on it. more raw foods, whole vegetables of the fibrous kind, not counting coffee as a meal. of course, having my boo around helps as he enjoys anything that requires a bit of love and cook time regardless of what's in it. except quinoa, we're still working on that. but seriously? corn and soy are in EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. i can't even begin to list a core category, so let's say that in reflection it's been interesting not being able to eat almost anything in a package anymore. the poor snack food door in the kitchen is so sad now.

a new treat, maple "butter" bars (v/gf/everything free)

i guess the nearest thing that has circled around food and my newfangled troubles lately was easter. lovingly spent with my family, easter is always a challenge for me as is any other holiday. i find myself always torn with anything displayed beautifully in a salad bowl, on a roasting pan, in a china bake set: can i eat that? i wonder what's in the seasoning? is this cookie going to murder my guts? I REALLY WANT THAT DEVILED EGG. again, you get the idea. it's pretty run of the mill now that most things on the table don't need to be catered to the glutard, but it still hurts sometimes when some go out of their way to make sure you have something just for you and you alone, that all that extra time however little was at your expense. really, it's ok that i can't have the lasagna: the salad and sides is enough, really. so i'm still having problems accepting that this is life now, too. still, eventually i won't be so tough on myself and i will accept it however begrudgingly my inner self will be about it.

but strangely, this year was a little bit different. normally i stand alone in my select foodie kingdom, but i had one more member of the family in my corner: my sister. in the last year i've seen her transform her diet and her lifestyle to something new, fresh, and beautiful. and the similarities are getting more and more numerous between us. for the first time i now have a friend (besides my boo) in the midst of this familial food firefight as it were. which is awesome. so, it was easier to have a little understanding from everyone that if i had to decline the asian chicken noodle salad or the chips and salsa that it wasn't because i wanted to be that person. it was nice to have someone there who was consciously making the choice to, in a way, join me in my quest for better health, both inside and out. i'm no longer the only plate at the table without pasta, with extra salad and specially made rice on the side. instead i had a few questions about things that were good substitutes, what is a good smoothie base, what a kale top is, etc. -  my partners in crime are growing ever so steadily.

in closing, i guess i needed to rant just a tad and share some raw thoughts. no real outcome from this, just a rough re-introduction. maybe the next one will be more about food, with more joyful thoughts attached. for now though, i think this will suffice.

and i will talk about those cookies up there, promise.